Friday, June 16, 2006
Diary of a lonely guy
Dead boring Friday! Got out of camp on thursday and decided not to go back to report the next day, half expecting my boss will gimme a call to ask where I am since I din see him fer quite some time. Nope. Nothing heard out. Well thank goodness fer that! haha otherwise I would have to lie to him, not a nice thing to do since he treats me well in camp. So basically I just laze around and only step out to have lunch with my dad. Oh yeah Father's Day on sunday... but i'm booked so dun really bother. He din do much either... My brother's sweet though, got a card fer him. Hmm what should I give him? Nothing I know he needs...
So I was lying on bed, reading as usual, and half reflecting what I was doing the past few days. After tuesday, I have a sudden urge to fulfill what I came back fer: to meet all my friends. Made a few calls to my army friends and ask what they are up to. Not many knew I am back, or rather I chose not to tell. What's the point? Most of them will end up asking how's life in States, what is it like there, etc. To me, its not really that important. They make me feel like I am the unique one, the rich kid who can afford the overpriced education and experience the life that many would ask fer. I am never ungrateful fer the opportunity to travel overseas and experience the life over there. But in fact, I often ask myself what will life be like if I were to be in Singapore, to study in NTU and be a "normal" guy going through his "normal" phrase of life. But some may say, the grass is always greener on the other side. I rest my case.
So Wed I met up with my friends from OCS who really regarded me as their section mates. I realized that I should have put in more effort in my training while I was in it. But no point sobbing over spilled milk, I learnt that through hard lessons about that. Pity the rest can't make it, except fer Avtar and John. Always like to converse with Avtar, even though he may look fierce and cold and all. But this facade is just a message to others not to mess around with him; he's one of the most caring friends I ever had in my army life. We always talk about everything under the sun, so much so I lack sleep the next day during training. Funny, but I always thought that it was under the harshest training that I love about the army. So much fer being a sadist, but its the team effort that always spur me to go on. About suffering together with your brother-in-arms, having fun etc. So we ended up talking about what I missed while I remained in OTW and their current busy life. Just realized that I am the only guy that continue to study, even though there is a much smarter guy in my section who was offered a place during his time. Pity his family can't afford the education. Wish I could help.
So Avtar is in rooftop garden landscaping while John is in NTU life science lab working. Not bad fer a start. I dare not ask about their plans in life. Not that I think they do not have one, but I am afraid to say out mine. Sometimes I think that my dreams are so lofty, so unatainable, unachievable. I always scold my dad fer being to optimistic in life, and splash cold water on him as a wakeup call. Guess sometimes someone needs to bring me down to earth. I'm just nobody. A number in the statistic. Someone random. Always the case, never valued to someone. Sigh so much fer inferiority complex. These 2 guys really care fer me during my downfall, really appreciate their concern. Sometimes my eyes are tinted to see only my own dismay, my shortfall and any discrepancies such that there are many who really do give a damn about me that are oblivion to me. But never a day am I ungrateful fer them, as I live by my dad's philisophy of frens: treat those who treat me well better. Always be around fer your friends. Such a rare trait that is displayed nowadays. Not that I could fully live up to them myself though...
Thursday! Met my 2 lovely teammates from poly fer a dinner and drink. Went down to Thai Express (not bad, better than btown!!) and Alley Bar. Pop by to Acid and got caught by the waitress over there who demanded me to stay and open a bottle... haha do I look like a hardcore drinker? heh well hope not! I still got a good-boy image (yea rite) to keep... otherwise where got auntie will like me *smiles* Elaine and Phyllis got much a celebrate about: Elaine as usual is the achiever who always have her fair share of fun (sometimes I think more) while Phyl is the gerl that I slowly cant recognize. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always feel that a person changes due to environment, but that will have to be due to long-term effects on them before the change can take effect. Or something tramatic that happens to a person that results a certain switch in character. Otherwise our characters are pretty much being determined by our own self and upbringing. I am in no position to say if the change is fer the better, or worse. Cos I am undergoing some changes as well that I can't tell if its good or not. But based on what I know, Phyl changed so much since poly. May it be her time during JAL, or her being close to Elaine, I cant tell. She aint the demure gerl who cares alot that I knew during poly. Well it saddens me to see such drastic change, and fer reasons I cant ascertain. But I do hope shes happy with the change.
Drink, drink, more drinks. Sigh I need to stay away from these gerls, esp tonite when I meet them at MOS. Heard Phyl opening bottle, and I'm the only guy in the pack tonite. Need to stay sober... but not when Elaine wants to play drinking games! Shes just too damn good with it! UNbeatable! I calculated the rate of drinking when I play the games at 5:1... me drinking 5 times what she drinks. Haha ok I suck. And my reaction gets slower when I drink more. Elaine's gerlfren is back from Melb as well. Elaine's giving her the hype about me so much so that I wish to grab over the fone and tell her that I'm short, stubby and not attractive one single bit. Haha so much fer self confidence. Guess that works only when I feel like it. Not interested watsoever rite now. I better watch over Phyl tonite... I guess shes really out to drink and get drunk tonite. Nothing beats a gerl whos got problems and refuse to share them, except to abuse herself through heavy drinking and chain-smoking. Well shes got a load of frens like me and elaine to depend on, not that she doesnt know about that. The root of her problem cant just be solved by us though. Sigh. Is it really that important?
Anyway better get dressed. If I'm late I will get killed by Elaine fer missing her fav tracks. Adios amigos...
So I was lying on bed, reading as usual, and half reflecting what I was doing the past few days. After tuesday, I have a sudden urge to fulfill what I came back fer: to meet all my friends. Made a few calls to my army friends and ask what they are up to. Not many knew I am back, or rather I chose not to tell. What's the point? Most of them will end up asking how's life in States, what is it like there, etc. To me, its not really that important. They make me feel like I am the unique one, the rich kid who can afford the overpriced education and experience the life that many would ask fer. I am never ungrateful fer the opportunity to travel overseas and experience the life over there. But in fact, I often ask myself what will life be like if I were to be in Singapore, to study in NTU and be a "normal" guy going through his "normal" phrase of life. But some may say, the grass is always greener on the other side. I rest my case.
So Wed I met up with my friends from OCS who really regarded me as their section mates. I realized that I should have put in more effort in my training while I was in it. But no point sobbing over spilled milk, I learnt that through hard lessons about that. Pity the rest can't make it, except fer Avtar and John. Always like to converse with Avtar, even though he may look fierce and cold and all. But this facade is just a message to others not to mess around with him; he's one of the most caring friends I ever had in my army life. We always talk about everything under the sun, so much so I lack sleep the next day during training. Funny, but I always thought that it was under the harshest training that I love about the army. So much fer being a sadist, but its the team effort that always spur me to go on. About suffering together with your brother-in-arms, having fun etc. So we ended up talking about what I missed while I remained in OTW and their current busy life. Just realized that I am the only guy that continue to study, even though there is a much smarter guy in my section who was offered a place during his time. Pity his family can't afford the education. Wish I could help.
So Avtar is in rooftop garden landscaping while John is in NTU life science lab working. Not bad fer a start. I dare not ask about their plans in life. Not that I think they do not have one, but I am afraid to say out mine. Sometimes I think that my dreams are so lofty, so unatainable, unachievable. I always scold my dad fer being to optimistic in life, and splash cold water on him as a wakeup call. Guess sometimes someone needs to bring me down to earth. I'm just nobody. A number in the statistic. Someone random. Always the case, never valued to someone. Sigh so much fer inferiority complex. These 2 guys really care fer me during my downfall, really appreciate their concern. Sometimes my eyes are tinted to see only my own dismay, my shortfall and any discrepancies such that there are many who really do give a damn about me that are oblivion to me. But never a day am I ungrateful fer them, as I live by my dad's philisophy of frens: treat those who treat me well better. Always be around fer your friends. Such a rare trait that is displayed nowadays. Not that I could fully live up to them myself though...
Thursday! Met my 2 lovely teammates from poly fer a dinner and drink. Went down to Thai Express (not bad, better than btown!!) and Alley Bar. Pop by to Acid and got caught by the waitress over there who demanded me to stay and open a bottle... haha do I look like a hardcore drinker? heh well hope not! I still got a good-boy image (yea rite) to keep... otherwise where got auntie will like me *smiles* Elaine and Phyllis got much a celebrate about: Elaine as usual is the achiever who always have her fair share of fun (sometimes I think more) while Phyl is the gerl that I slowly cant recognize. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always feel that a person changes due to environment, but that will have to be due to long-term effects on them before the change can take effect. Or something tramatic that happens to a person that results a certain switch in character. Otherwise our characters are pretty much being determined by our own self and upbringing. I am in no position to say if the change is fer the better, or worse. Cos I am undergoing some changes as well that I can't tell if its good or not. But based on what I know, Phyl changed so much since poly. May it be her time during JAL, or her being close to Elaine, I cant tell. She aint the demure gerl who cares alot that I knew during poly. Well it saddens me to see such drastic change, and fer reasons I cant ascertain. But I do hope shes happy with the change.
Drink, drink, more drinks. Sigh I need to stay away from these gerls, esp tonite when I meet them at MOS. Heard Phyl opening bottle, and I'm the only guy in the pack tonite. Need to stay sober... but not when Elaine wants to play drinking games! Shes just too damn good with it! UNbeatable! I calculated the rate of drinking when I play the games at 5:1... me drinking 5 times what she drinks. Haha ok I suck. And my reaction gets slower when I drink more. Elaine's gerlfren is back from Melb as well. Elaine's giving her the hype about me so much so that I wish to grab over the fone and tell her that I'm short, stubby and not attractive one single bit. Haha so much fer self confidence. Guess that works only when I feel like it. Not interested watsoever rite now. I better watch over Phyl tonite... I guess shes really out to drink and get drunk tonite. Nothing beats a gerl whos got problems and refuse to share them, except to abuse herself through heavy drinking and chain-smoking. Well shes got a load of frens like me and elaine to depend on, not that she doesnt know about that. The root of her problem cant just be solved by us though. Sigh. Is it really that important?
Anyway better get dressed. If I'm late I will get killed by Elaine fer missing her fav tracks. Adios amigos...
# posted by gougou @ 9:18 AM 
