Thursday, June 29, 2006
I can't remember to forget you
This phrase was coined by one of my most brilliant fren Caez... an amazing guy, hope to meet up with him soon! Somehow this phrase kept surfacing my mind these days when I am alone, when I am happy, and when I go by certain places. Memories, whether good or bad, cannot be simply forgotten. Try hard as you may to forgo them, they will dwell in some dark realm of your busy mind waiting to float up at the slightest hint of loneliness. You cannot hasten the process, no matter how determined you are. They just stay there, be it if you have goldfish memory, or you think you can occupy your life with activities. They can be a source of pain, or a fountain of happiness each time you recall.
Of late, the memories of my secondary school life kept flashing by. It was then I realised that I lost touch with alot of my secondary school frens. Many have moved on with their hectic lives, may it good or bad. As I look at many of my frens who are progessing to their final stages of education and starting to worry about their future, it kept me thinking whether they are simply moving on to another stage or do they look towards it as a passion that they took up during their education period. Did they make the right choice to pursue what they intend to do in their later lives, or simply just getting over and done with?
Maybe I just think too much. CH says so too. I will describe it as the "reluctant thinker", where you cannot stop yourself from thinking, pondering, probbing, discovering, wathaveyou. Our brains simply function as a separate entity, despite exhausting your body already. You want it to stop, it simply can't. More like its on 24hr supply of redbull or something. I need a total shutdown of that unit soon. Logos is failing me these days, being overrided by pathos.
Sometimes talking to frens make me realise that I am missing out alot in life. To see things in a different light and to see opportunities in life. Of ambition, of goals, of aims. That's right, I definitely look forward and do not live fer the moment. I simply can't. On my back I am burdened by my own expectations, of dreams, hopes and aspirations. Sometimes I wish to slow down, to look around and enjoy life as I know it. I need an anchor, sometimes to weigh me down, or an alarm clock to wake me up from the endless pursuit.
Yesterday I met up wif Neale, to seek fer spiritual advice for my condemned soul. I am so lost in the mindless pursuit that I lost a huge part of myself, darkened by the circumstances that I stood in. He didn't offer any, because I did not ask. There is a part of me not wanting to burden this busy fren of mine; yet I know he can and will offer the help I longed for. A guiding light. A destination to the beeline that I am making on the map. I did told him what was troubling me these few years, and he chose not to bring them up. From his eyes, he was giving me temporary relief of the troubled world that I exist in. We just talked everything under the sun, from scuba all the way to update of frens. He made me realise I have one thing: choices and open doors. In fact I realised that I do have many opened doors. People who are geniunely wanting to guide me, and not under false light. I, for one, am born not to suspect the intentions of other people. Gullible as I might be, it is a gift to me. It made life more simple and the way of life I choose to live in, contrary from the society that I live in. This way I differ true frens from hi-bye ones, of people who are true in the heart. Its hard to find them nowadays I must add...
Still, Neale made me see that I do have choices. Not running up the wall or facing a dead end. Though the choices are not brilliant and may seem vague, it shows me an alternative instead of the well that I dwell in. "Never close an opened door, let alone let it close by itself" I guess that sums up what I need to hear. Its simply amazing to hear an older, more experienced man talking about his life, his passion and his experiences. That is something I can look up to.
The weekend... almost can smell it! What shall I do? Frantic shopping is draining me, physically, mentally and in monetary terms. Haha I should learn to save! Erm sorry CH takes a while to learn that! =D Recovering from my flu, thanks pple! Trying to abstain from alcohol and cig, not doing good to my throat. Oh yeahhhh.... and of chocolate buffet! Yum! When will it be ah? =D
Of late, the memories of my secondary school life kept flashing by. It was then I realised that I lost touch with alot of my secondary school frens. Many have moved on with their hectic lives, may it good or bad. As I look at many of my frens who are progessing to their final stages of education and starting to worry about their future, it kept me thinking whether they are simply moving on to another stage or do they look towards it as a passion that they took up during their education period. Did they make the right choice to pursue what they intend to do in their later lives, or simply just getting over and done with?
Maybe I just think too much. CH says so too. I will describe it as the "reluctant thinker", where you cannot stop yourself from thinking, pondering, probbing, discovering, wathaveyou. Our brains simply function as a separate entity, despite exhausting your body already. You want it to stop, it simply can't. More like its on 24hr supply of redbull or something. I need a total shutdown of that unit soon. Logos is failing me these days, being overrided by pathos.
Sometimes talking to frens make me realise that I am missing out alot in life. To see things in a different light and to see opportunities in life. Of ambition, of goals, of aims. That's right, I definitely look forward and do not live fer the moment. I simply can't. On my back I am burdened by my own expectations, of dreams, hopes and aspirations. Sometimes I wish to slow down, to look around and enjoy life as I know it. I need an anchor, sometimes to weigh me down, or an alarm clock to wake me up from the endless pursuit.
Yesterday I met up wif Neale, to seek fer spiritual advice for my condemned soul. I am so lost in the mindless pursuit that I lost a huge part of myself, darkened by the circumstances that I stood in. He didn't offer any, because I did not ask. There is a part of me not wanting to burden this busy fren of mine; yet I know he can and will offer the help I longed for. A guiding light. A destination to the beeline that I am making on the map. I did told him what was troubling me these few years, and he chose not to bring them up. From his eyes, he was giving me temporary relief of the troubled world that I exist in. We just talked everything under the sun, from scuba all the way to update of frens. He made me realise I have one thing: choices and open doors. In fact I realised that I do have many opened doors. People who are geniunely wanting to guide me, and not under false light. I, for one, am born not to suspect the intentions of other people. Gullible as I might be, it is a gift to me. It made life more simple and the way of life I choose to live in, contrary from the society that I live in. This way I differ true frens from hi-bye ones, of people who are true in the heart. Its hard to find them nowadays I must add...
Still, Neale made me see that I do have choices. Not running up the wall or facing a dead end. Though the choices are not brilliant and may seem vague, it shows me an alternative instead of the well that I dwell in. "Never close an opened door, let alone let it close by itself" I guess that sums up what I need to hear. Its simply amazing to hear an older, more experienced man talking about his life, his passion and his experiences. That is something I can look up to.
The weekend... almost can smell it! What shall I do? Frantic shopping is draining me, physically, mentally and in monetary terms. Haha I should learn to save! Erm sorry CH takes a while to learn that! =D Recovering from my flu, thanks pple! Trying to abstain from alcohol and cig, not doing good to my throat. Oh yeahhhh.... and of chocolate buffet! Yum! When will it be ah? =D
# posted by gougou @ 11:17 PM 
