Sunday, June 18, 2006
So Dark the Con of *man
This phrase has been in my head since I re-read the Da Vinci Code back home in anticipation fer the movie. So dark the con of man... applies to the deception of the Christian Church when they decided to hide the actual historical importance of Mary to make Jesus divine. Such deception runs deep within the society... till today, but of varying scale with regards to each individual. I have not come across a person who does not tell at least one white lie, or some other particular individuals whose deceit run so deep that I shiver upon recollection of it. And sometimes the truth just hurt upon the discovery of such deceit, and wishing that you have not discovered it in the first place.
I am but a simple guy, if many of you have not realize this small fact. If you dun, dun bother reading this entry. I personally know that some people likes to exploit this side of me, as I will call it my "soft spot". Sometimes I let myself to be willingly exploited, thinking that its alrite. Other times, I just really can't be bothered to think so much and setting my mind on auto pilot. But I seriously hope its all in good fun that you all are doing that onto me. No malice intended. But I fear it may not always be the case.... Sometimes I will find out whats going on when I am awake, other times when good people around me could no longer hold their anger that I am such a fool and kick me awake. Any case, when I trace the lines of deceit to its very end, it pains me that the people I care so much can do devastating harm onto me. Even when I try to reason to myself for their actions, logic fails me and emotions take over. I can feel so much pain at one time... and question why such deceit can happen to me.
Sometimes I just do not want to live in this world. The deceit that envelopes it darkens the world, and some people can work their magic so as to achieve the maximum benefits from another person while letting them suffer in agony and disbelief. The person may turn into desperation and do the same thing onto other persons, or simply disintegrate their beautiful facade of the world around them. Lying around to rot, letting past demons to swallow them whole. Sounds grim? Sure do. Thats what the society is all about. I rem once when I ask a friend about trust, and she told me not to believe a person and give them 100% trust even when they are your bestest best friend. Trust is given slowly, but never 100%... leaving space for doubts. I disagree this theory, but its not my place to judge. I always give in my 100% in any friendship, because I will like others to give me the same. It is mutual respect, I believe. But I can be so naive at times....
Thinking back, I wish I can agree with your thinking. Your words struck me at this moment. I wish to discuss more about this with you, so that I can hear my own justifications. Sometimes I can be so jaded that I think the con of anyone around me is just to test me and cut me down, making me weak and slow my pace in life. So that I will walk cautiously and consistently in doubt about anyone around me. How tiring this kind of life gets! To talk to another without thinking every smile flash at me is genuine or not; every action that is taken with an ulterior motive; every twinkle of the eye that may be the spark of a chain of deceit that is to come. I am utterly sick of such pretenious behaviors around me. But what can I do? Tell them off? Some people are born to do that, or will not change even if I was to shake them hard. Such dilemma. I wish God can grant me judgment of souls, separate true from false, genuine from pretenious. But its never my place to judge.
I just wish things can be simple. Its too much work for my small brain, weak heart and soft emotions. I cant take this any longer. Let me off the hook. Work your deceit on others.
I am but a simple guy, if many of you have not realize this small fact. If you dun, dun bother reading this entry. I personally know that some people likes to exploit this side of me, as I will call it my "soft spot". Sometimes I let myself to be willingly exploited, thinking that its alrite. Other times, I just really can't be bothered to think so much and setting my mind on auto pilot. But I seriously hope its all in good fun that you all are doing that onto me. No malice intended. But I fear it may not always be the case.... Sometimes I will find out whats going on when I am awake, other times when good people around me could no longer hold their anger that I am such a fool and kick me awake. Any case, when I trace the lines of deceit to its very end, it pains me that the people I care so much can do devastating harm onto me. Even when I try to reason to myself for their actions, logic fails me and emotions take over. I can feel so much pain at one time... and question why such deceit can happen to me.
Sometimes I just do not want to live in this world. The deceit that envelopes it darkens the world, and some people can work their magic so as to achieve the maximum benefits from another person while letting them suffer in agony and disbelief. The person may turn into desperation and do the same thing onto other persons, or simply disintegrate their beautiful facade of the world around them. Lying around to rot, letting past demons to swallow them whole. Sounds grim? Sure do. Thats what the society is all about. I rem once when I ask a friend about trust, and she told me not to believe a person and give them 100% trust even when they are your bestest best friend. Trust is given slowly, but never 100%... leaving space for doubts. I disagree this theory, but its not my place to judge. I always give in my 100% in any friendship, because I will like others to give me the same. It is mutual respect, I believe. But I can be so naive at times....
Thinking back, I wish I can agree with your thinking. Your words struck me at this moment. I wish to discuss more about this with you, so that I can hear my own justifications. Sometimes I can be so jaded that I think the con of anyone around me is just to test me and cut me down, making me weak and slow my pace in life. So that I will walk cautiously and consistently in doubt about anyone around me. How tiring this kind of life gets! To talk to another without thinking every smile flash at me is genuine or not; every action that is taken with an ulterior motive; every twinkle of the eye that may be the spark of a chain of deceit that is to come. I am utterly sick of such pretenious behaviors around me. But what can I do? Tell them off? Some people are born to do that, or will not change even if I was to shake them hard. Such dilemma. I wish God can grant me judgment of souls, separate true from false, genuine from pretenious. But its never my place to judge.
I just wish things can be simple. Its too much work for my small brain, weak heart and soft emotions. I cant take this any longer. Let me off the hook. Work your deceit on others.
# posted by gougou @ 12:03 AM 
