Friday, September 22, 2006
Expectations
Geez its been like what, 2 weeks since I blogged? Guess time is just flashing by me, cos I swear I remember that yest was only the start of the week. It seem to me that the longer I stay in IU, the shorter the semester gets. How so? Thanks to the great courses that I am taking, I have a exam EVERY WEEK that started from last week onwards. And its not even funny cos I thought I saw an assignment or take home exam on my Thanksgiving break. Just great.
I recall from what my sis told me about how I only blog when I am not feeling happy i.e. sad, frustrated etc. Today seems to be one of those days. Somehow I need someone to slap some sense into me about expectations. Expectations: I do not like anyone to expect anything out from me because it seems to add burden to my shoulders, and something that I tell myself not to have on others because I keep getting disappointed. So much fer my own expectations. I like the carefree element in my life, and learn to embrace it over the summer. I have been let down time and over again and yet each time the occasion arises, I will repeat that same mistake. Even a puppy learns not to go around peeing round the house after sharp slaps from its owner. I am worse than a dog.
Maybe its just my trusting nature. Or that I do not see the point reserving the best for myself. I do not know or choose not to know. But whatever the case, I should think that my conscience is clear of the things I do. Hopefully the things are done with some processing over my grey matter, or whatever thats in between my ears.
So school's a bitch. I do not wish to even think about it. I just cannot go back to the same studying pattern that I have last year. Summer 2006 really made an impact in me. There are always more important things to do than to study, even if its my primary purpose here. So much for losing my focus. And confidence. Sigh... do not even wish to think about it. Everything will fall in place in time to come. I just need to savour every moment.
Procrasination. It always easy to say "I will do that soon". It comes so naturally to me that it becomes a really irritating habit. Some things don't change huh. Since Fall 2005 been blogging about it, now still talking about it. *grumble* Cannot seem to get things done lately. I wonder if its the lost of focus that is troubling me. Need to find the root of that problem soon before I am left behind.
What made matters worse is that I developed this terrible cough+sorethroat that seems to pass on to the rest of the people I hang out with. hahaha not proud to say that but it happens at times... well I just need to recover from it before I cough my lungs out. Getting out of bed at 3plus am in the morning coughing like a dying paitent aint fun at all. Need more pi pa gao! Get it tml! *jots down on neverending list of to-get items*
Fall is here~ time to take some photos! In fact, I do have some to share! Don't think I look good in them though, must have put on weight or something... hmm go gym tml~ muahaha
I recall from what my sis told me about how I only blog when I am not feeling happy i.e. sad, frustrated etc. Today seems to be one of those days. Somehow I need someone to slap some sense into me about expectations. Expectations: I do not like anyone to expect anything out from me because it seems to add burden to my shoulders, and something that I tell myself not to have on others because I keep getting disappointed. So much fer my own expectations. I like the carefree element in my life, and learn to embrace it over the summer. I have been let down time and over again and yet each time the occasion arises, I will repeat that same mistake. Even a puppy learns not to go around peeing round the house after sharp slaps from its owner. I am worse than a dog.
Maybe its just my trusting nature. Or that I do not see the point reserving the best for myself. I do not know or choose not to know. But whatever the case, I should think that my conscience is clear of the things I do. Hopefully the things are done with some processing over my grey matter, or whatever thats in between my ears.
So school's a bitch. I do not wish to even think about it. I just cannot go back to the same studying pattern that I have last year. Summer 2006 really made an impact in me. There are always more important things to do than to study, even if its my primary purpose here. So much for losing my focus. And confidence. Sigh... do not even wish to think about it. Everything will fall in place in time to come. I just need to savour every moment.
Procrasination. It always easy to say "I will do that soon". It comes so naturally to me that it becomes a really irritating habit. Some things don't change huh. Since Fall 2005 been blogging about it, now still talking about it. *grumble* Cannot seem to get things done lately. I wonder if its the lost of focus that is troubling me. Need to find the root of that problem soon before I am left behind.
What made matters worse is that I developed this terrible cough+sorethroat that seems to pass on to the rest of the people I hang out with. hahaha not proud to say that but it happens at times... well I just need to recover from it before I cough my lungs out. Getting out of bed at 3plus am in the morning coughing like a dying paitent aint fun at all. Need more pi pa gao! Get it tml! *jots down on neverending list of to-get items*
Fall is here~ time to take some photos! In fact, I do have some to share! Don't think I look good in them though, must have put on weight or something... hmm go gym tml~ muahaha
# posted by gougou @ 12:11 AM 
