college life

Studying fer my Z101 again... everytime when I am mugging fer it, it does not fail to dawn on me why oh why did I take something that I have no interest in?! I still maintain my position that university should not waste time compelling others to take courses other than their areas of interest. I mean, I see myself as a business student and my forte is numbers. Why make a business student take something like music?! Irritating.

Anyway, my friend made a very interesting trend: everytime I am bordering on the extremes of my mood, I will blog. Haha its pretty accurate prediction, but I do admit that its the fact. After all, isnt this why I set up this little space in the World Wide Web? The little space that I can complain all I want, say my piece and move on. I can be a damn bitch at times, but no matter what I say, I do what I deemed its right and not go along with that little voice in my head. My fren Caez used to say that people who listen and heed their emotions to do things are bound to fail, cos you need to use your head to think, not your heart.

So what mood is it today? Hmm not too good I guess. I am just irritated. Very irritated in fact. I realized why I am the loner that I was made to be. I have expectations of myself, in terms of every aspect of my life. Now when I try to apply my expectations to others, the model totally breaks down. That's why I maintain never to expect: from people ard you, from your friends, from your family. Keep that expectation to yourself. Never apply it to others. Each time I am irritated the way I am right now, I just keep telling myself I will not possess the trait that I myself will be pissed off with. Abit of perfectionist, I know. But thats the way I live, too bad.

And today, I accidentally cross my own threshold to expect something out of nothing. I am pissed. I am irritated. But there is nothing I can do. But I will not display this kinda behavior. I know my true friends will not do that to me (thats you, bro!) But till then, I will live up to my expectations. By that time, I will go back to my isolation and do what I please. No more expectations cos I do not need any. No more pissed off behavior. I do as I please. Selfish? You bet!

I love my life. I treasure the people ard me. But the all-smiles Michael has a built-in limit. A limit to everything. After which, do not expect me to be all-nice, all-smiles. Why should I? Respect is earned, Friendship and Loyalty are a dying trait in this fuckup society. I do not see much in this world. But at least I know who meant the best for me. People who treasure me and my friendship.

Smile, regardless the world is gray or colorful. Smile, regardless of the pain you feel or the happiness you feel. Smile, and the world is dissolved in it.