Wednesday, December 13, 2006
On the eve of my break
Oh-So-No-Mood-To-Study
Still got my last paper, A207. Not panic or in a frenzy though (as you can see I'm still leisurely typing my blog). I just cannot wait for 7pm tmw (and of course, to complete my readings and practice). Think when I step out of the exam venue, I will scream my head off. It's been a crazy semester, with extreme ups and downs (and hangovers). Seems like I am cramping my life experiences all in 3mths. Sounds exaggerating? You have no idea...
I am jotting down on my whiteboard a list of to-dos. Just in case I am in another mood of "how come when I am having exams, there seems so many things to do, only to find out that I forgot it all when I'm done with exams". No way. Next semester will be crazier than this, and I'm optimizing my break this time round. Some include "watch my korean drama", "burn CDs", etc. I just hope I am not bored, maybe even plan a short trip somewhere for the festive season within my constraints.
There seem so much to reflect over this semester's work. Thank God for His continued blessings. Think I will put my foot down and go to church regularly. Think there is no excuse I can come up. And I have not been exactly the student I ought to be, too concerned about the fun or kicks I can get out of my academic life here in IU. And yes, I was kindly reminded that I am turning 25, that turn out to be a quarter of a century or a third of my life (pls dun let me live that long). Reflect on things that call of my attention, and my path onwards. My sis was joking yesterday that she sees my "bright" future down the road. Honestly, I was ashamed to even think about it. I am not granted the luxury of time, and there is alot of catching-up I have to do. No way for me to stop and take a breather, since I didn't have anything to start in the first place. Decisions to make, plans to decide. Sounds like a maze to me.
命里有实终须有，命里无实末强求
There are times when I hope and wish and pray that God grants me such resources for me to use. Sometimes the comparison becomes such an obssession that I can only sigh and pat myself myself on the back, dwelling in my own self-pity. I am constantly reminded that there is always a reason for me to work hard. How to take a break? Considering I do not have anything, except myself and my beliefs. There aint anything for me to fall back on. It will be make or break. And I realize there isnt anything to compare in the first place. We are all on different playing fields. There are times when I wish I have someone to look up to for guidance, to depend on and not probing blindly. Too many wrong turns I have taken. I have to build everything from scratch. Not an easy path, but there isn't any choice left. While I'm on it, looking around to others on similar paths seems very discouraging. But as the phrase said,"If you are fated to have something in you life, you will receive in the end; otherwise, do not wish too hard for it." The disappointment may be too great to handle in the end.
On a lighter note, I think a steak after exams is very tempting. Think I will do just that, some prime ribs with sauce. Excellent choice from Texas Roadhouse. Life, is filled with so many beautiful things. Think I will enjoy a stroll looking at the stars after that. =)
Still got my last paper, A207. Not panic or in a frenzy though (as you can see I'm still leisurely typing my blog). I just cannot wait for 7pm tmw (and of course, to complete my readings and practice). Think when I step out of the exam venue, I will scream my head off. It's been a crazy semester, with extreme ups and downs (and hangovers). Seems like I am cramping my life experiences all in 3mths. Sounds exaggerating? You have no idea...
I am jotting down on my whiteboard a list of to-dos. Just in case I am in another mood of "how come when I am having exams, there seems so many things to do, only to find out that I forgot it all when I'm done with exams". No way. Next semester will be crazier than this, and I'm optimizing my break this time round. Some include "watch my korean drama", "burn CDs", etc. I just hope I am not bored, maybe even plan a short trip somewhere for the festive season within my constraints.
There seem so much to reflect over this semester's work. Thank God for His continued blessings. Think I will put my foot down and go to church regularly. Think there is no excuse I can come up. And I have not been exactly the student I ought to be, too concerned about the fun or kicks I can get out of my academic life here in IU. And yes, I was kindly reminded that I am turning 25, that turn out to be a quarter of a century or a third of my life (pls dun let me live that long). Reflect on things that call of my attention, and my path onwards. My sis was joking yesterday that she sees my "bright" future down the road. Honestly, I was ashamed to even think about it. I am not granted the luxury of time, and there is alot of catching-up I have to do. No way for me to stop and take a breather, since I didn't have anything to start in the first place. Decisions to make, plans to decide. Sounds like a maze to me.
命里有实终须有，命里无实末强求
There are times when I hope and wish and pray that God grants me such resources for me to use. Sometimes the comparison becomes such an obssession that I can only sigh and pat myself myself on the back, dwelling in my own self-pity. I am constantly reminded that there is always a reason for me to work hard. How to take a break? Considering I do not have anything, except myself and my beliefs. There aint anything for me to fall back on. It will be make or break. And I realize there isnt anything to compare in the first place. We are all on different playing fields. There are times when I wish I have someone to look up to for guidance, to depend on and not probing blindly. Too many wrong turns I have taken. I have to build everything from scratch. Not an easy path, but there isn't any choice left. While I'm on it, looking around to others on similar paths seems very discouraging. But as the phrase said,"If you are fated to have something in you life, you will receive in the end; otherwise, do not wish too hard for it." The disappointment may be too great to handle in the end.
On a lighter note, I think a steak after exams is very tempting. Think I will do just that, some prime ribs with sauce. Excellent choice from Texas Roadhouse. Life, is filled with so many beautiful things. Think I will enjoy a stroll looking at the stars after that. =)
# posted by gougou @ 4:42 PM 
