Saturday, December 16, 2006
Reflect: Fall 2006
This semester has gone as fast as it came. It was pretty unsettling at the start, having alot of things on my mind and not mentally prepared for the semester at all. Through support of good friends like Jun who would love to dispense his famous "single line wisdom" to give me plenty to ponder about, and to illuminate me back on track. Friends like him are hard to come by, and should be cherished with both hands. Sounds marshy, but in life, you only need a few good friends whom you know you can trust your life with. At low points of your life, they are the ones who come in and make a difference. That's why I strongly believe and trust what they say.
On being the president for SSA, it is the support of many supporting friends that make alot of difference. In my mind, SSA is but a formal and collective term that we used to name our friendship bond of people from the same country, who bothers to come together and help one another in this unfamiliar land. Granted, as we adapt ourselves here, we tend to make judgments and search for our individual comfort zones among others. But the sole fact that we are one, and same from Singapore tells us that in dire situations, we will definitely stand together to support one another. It may not seem so as of now, but beyond that lies this truth. Everyone right now has their own objectives, motives and intentions. I do not choose my words lightly, but its true. Search within oneself and you will find it. I have it too. Everyone does. Sometimes it gets frustrating to be in the position where to have to make sure everyone is alright with an arrangement that you make, or just to be sure that people turn up. Its frustrating, but every president has this kind of problem. Because each one of us has their own agenda, its hard to ensure that the organization's will fit in with individual objectives. In my life experiences, I learn to be paitent. That one day, the paitence will pay off. There is no need to rush into things, or expect alot from someone. I believe that my committee has worked hard, and special mention must go to Linda, whom I feel is the most dedicated person on board. Without her, I will not be as motivated. She truly and unreservingly served the organization. I am not saying that the rest are not dedicated; our objectives just get murky as the time horizon stretches. Thanks to my ex-president, my roommate and the man who stays above me, for all the support and comfort. You guys are an understanding bunch.
This semester brought in new friends into the small social circle. I foresee more to come in the near future. Alas, as I have said before, I will go into being my recluse after my term. But like I said just now, we all are in one small social circle and we simply cannot ignore one another. I am a introvert by nature, but once in a while I like to stick my head out into the open to breathe some free air. I do not hang out does not mean I do not care. I do not say a word does not mean I do not comprehend. I do not seem to care does not mean I have no concern whatsoever. I do. And I would love to help. But I am also a guy who likes to stick his head in his own imaginary world, and love to be alone to do his own things. Such is my life, selfish as it seems to be. I always maintain that I am just a phone call away, for those who bother to look or find. I would not daggle myself on the rod, and tell others what I feel I can help them with. And I would help whenever possible or feasible.
I am glad to have many appreciative and kind friends among all of us. People who genuinely care. I can feel it deep down inside, and I thank God for them. As for others, I love to play the fool, because he is a fool and gets away with it. There is no need for me to spell out what they feel, because that's how they feel. I cannot change it, everyone is unique and has their own freedom to think and thought and feel. I just cannot be bothered to change their perspectives. Why should I? I may be just a guy walking past their lives in this short period of time. Half a year after we separate, I will be forgotten. I do not justify this kind of effort. God ask us to love our neighbors but love our enemies more. I do not have enemies, nor I see one in my eyes. So there is no enemy at all to love.
Thank you, for all your support! It is crucial for me to tide through this difficult semester. I hope I have of some aid to you just like you helped me over this semester. Hope we have a better semester to come!
God is kind to me over this semester. I was showered with blessings I do not deserve, primarily for the effort I put in. Too many times I had so much fun that I wasted my time, too many times I occupy myself and waddle in my own small pool of misery, and too many times have I simply give up on myself. But the semester's come and gone. And hopefully it will be a better one next year.
There are times when I maintain that I do not need someone in my life, as one of my friends pointed out. Screaming that I love being alone, and thus do not need someone in my life. I still maintain that position. Since my summer in Singapore, I learn that effort needs to be a two-way traffic. I refuse to be the only one giving anymore. I am sick and tired and pretty much banged up by being too nice. And until I find someone who is wiling to maintain the same values with me, I would love my peace and quiet and my wonderous company of my friends. I know what I am capable of treating a lady, but I have no wish to do so till I am certain that she can be understanding to my cause. Till then, I will be the "gay" that everyone brands me to be. Nothing wrong, just that it sounds abit sick. In my limited field of relationships, I was truly transformed by my ex-gf. To me, she is still the gear that I am stuck with, until I can find another gear to switch into. But I have decided to put my foot down on this: I will not be in a position where I trouble myself over issues of a relationship when I am not in one. I simply cannot justify the pain and agony I had gone through over someone who is not mine (read: dude). Late nights and complete shattering of my heart and soul. Is this what I deserve for liking a person? Not that I see it. Neither can I comprehend. I will not be able to suffer through another one like this. No more nonsense, I am getting old here.
Till someone who fits the bill looks over here, I will go on with my life and into my new semester.
On being the president for SSA, it is the support of many supporting friends that make alot of difference. In my mind, SSA is but a formal and collective term that we used to name our friendship bond of people from the same country, who bothers to come together and help one another in this unfamiliar land. Granted, as we adapt ourselves here, we tend to make judgments and search for our individual comfort zones among others. But the sole fact that we are one, and same from Singapore tells us that in dire situations, we will definitely stand together to support one another. It may not seem so as of now, but beyond that lies this truth. Everyone right now has their own objectives, motives and intentions. I do not choose my words lightly, but its true. Search within oneself and you will find it. I have it too. Everyone does. Sometimes it gets frustrating to be in the position where to have to make sure everyone is alright with an arrangement that you make, or just to be sure that people turn up. Its frustrating, but every president has this kind of problem. Because each one of us has their own agenda, its hard to ensure that the organization's will fit in with individual objectives. In my life experiences, I learn to be paitent. That one day, the paitence will pay off. There is no need to rush into things, or expect alot from someone. I believe that my committee has worked hard, and special mention must go to Linda, whom I feel is the most dedicated person on board. Without her, I will not be as motivated. She truly and unreservingly served the organization. I am not saying that the rest are not dedicated; our objectives just get murky as the time horizon stretches. Thanks to my ex-president, my roommate and the man who stays above me, for all the support and comfort. You guys are an understanding bunch.
This semester brought in new friends into the small social circle. I foresee more to come in the near future. Alas, as I have said before, I will go into being my recluse after my term. But like I said just now, we all are in one small social circle and we simply cannot ignore one another. I am a introvert by nature, but once in a while I like to stick my head out into the open to breathe some free air. I do not hang out does not mean I do not care. I do not say a word does not mean I do not comprehend. I do not seem to care does not mean I have no concern whatsoever. I do. And I would love to help. But I am also a guy who likes to stick his head in his own imaginary world, and love to be alone to do his own things. Such is my life, selfish as it seems to be. I always maintain that I am just a phone call away, for those who bother to look or find. I would not daggle myself on the rod, and tell others what I feel I can help them with. And I would help whenever possible or feasible.
I am glad to have many appreciative and kind friends among all of us. People who genuinely care. I can feel it deep down inside, and I thank God for them. As for others, I love to play the fool, because he is a fool and gets away with it. There is no need for me to spell out what they feel, because that's how they feel. I cannot change it, everyone is unique and has their own freedom to think and thought and feel. I just cannot be bothered to change their perspectives. Why should I? I may be just a guy walking past their lives in this short period of time. Half a year after we separate, I will be forgotten. I do not justify this kind of effort. God ask us to love our neighbors but love our enemies more. I do not have enemies, nor I see one in my eyes. So there is no enemy at all to love.
Thank you, for all your support! It is crucial for me to tide through this difficult semester. I hope I have of some aid to you just like you helped me over this semester. Hope we have a better semester to come!
God is kind to me over this semester. I was showered with blessings I do not deserve, primarily for the effort I put in. Too many times I had so much fun that I wasted my time, too many times I occupy myself and waddle in my own small pool of misery, and too many times have I simply give up on myself. But the semester's come and gone. And hopefully it will be a better one next year.
There are times when I maintain that I do not need someone in my life, as one of my friends pointed out. Screaming that I love being alone, and thus do not need someone in my life. I still maintain that position. Since my summer in Singapore, I learn that effort needs to be a two-way traffic. I refuse to be the only one giving anymore. I am sick and tired and pretty much banged up by being too nice. And until I find someone who is wiling to maintain the same values with me, I would love my peace and quiet and my wonderous company of my friends. I know what I am capable of treating a lady, but I have no wish to do so till I am certain that she can be understanding to my cause. Till then, I will be the "gay" that everyone brands me to be. Nothing wrong, just that it sounds abit sick. In my limited field of relationships, I was truly transformed by my ex-gf. To me, she is still the gear that I am stuck with, until I can find another gear to switch into. But I have decided to put my foot down on this: I will not be in a position where I trouble myself over issues of a relationship when I am not in one. I simply cannot justify the pain and agony I had gone through over someone who is not mine (read: dude). Late nights and complete shattering of my heart and soul. Is this what I deserve for liking a person? Not that I see it. Neither can I comprehend. I will not be able to suffer through another one like this. No more nonsense, I am getting old here.
Till someone who fits the bill looks over here, I will go on with my life and into my new semester.
# posted by gougou @ 8:59 AM 
